The Smaller Plates of Joshua

WE HAVE BEEN MOVED

2011-09-21T09:15:00.000-07:00

REDIRECT TO NEW URL (yeah, it's all legit now) AND FOLLOW THERE!

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

2011-08-24T12:57:00.000-07:00

Those are repetitive "HI's", not hiccups.

Does anyone know how to induce hiccups?

Ansyways, sundance is still beautiful. Little known fact, sundance resort has summer activities as well, such as: Mt. biking, hiking, plays, concerts, etc. The best part-you ride the lift up for biking/hiking and save your legs uphill. So, being the mountain man I am (cough cough) I went out yesterday to run the 3 mile Stewart falls trail.

Wonderful, mountains are like God's way of "here, let's make the earth less boring and ugly."

Sorry to you all who prefer the ocean, or plain, but...well...moving on from the craziness of that thought.

The Y hike is still dusty, too much of a grade to be enjoyable, and HOT! Yes, yes, it's true, summer is still HOT.

But, to cool off, you could be my girlfriend! Yeah, those 2 things have nothing to do with each other, but I was bored last night and made a girlfriend application.

This is not an original idea, I do not take credit. AND IT'S A JOKE! Please don't fill this out and send me back the email...that would be slightly creepy...but yeah, I would laugh anyway, go for it.

The Official Girlfriend Application

This application must be filled out in its entirety in order to be considered for the position for which you are applying. Photographs or other attached documents may sway my opinion one way or the other; feel free to attach anything you think may help you gain this position. Keep in mind that you must be completely honest while filling out this form. Your answers will be checked through Google, Facebook, and other methods I deem necessary. Any false information gives me the right to immediately void your application.

Section 1: Basic information

Full Name___________________________________________________

Last First Middle

Current Residence__________________________________________

Nickname_______________ Date of Birth___/___/____

Eye Color________ Natural Hair Color____________Current Hair Color________

Height___________ Weight (Circle One) <100 lb >100 & <160 >160

Section 2: Contact information

Home Phone______________

Cell Phone_______________

Facebook________________

Email___________________

Section 3: The Deal Breakers-Yes or No

Are you or have you ever been a man?-------------------------------------------

Do you smoke and/or use other tobacco products?-------------------

Do you drink alcohol?----------------------------------------------------

Do you use any illegal substances?-------------------------------------

Do you have any tattoos?-------------------------------------------------

Disregarding your ears, do you have any piercings?-----------------

Regarding your ears, are they gauged at larger than 1/16

of an inch and/or might they set off metal detectors

at airports or government buildings?--------------------------

Have you ever been convicted of anything by a court of law?-----

If you answered “Yes” to any of the previous questions, you may

stop filling out the application now.

Section 4: Getting to Know You

Highest level of education (Circle One) High School Some College College Graduate

What is your religious affiliation?__________________________

What is your political persuasion?_______________________

Could you explain what said persuasion stands for? Yes No

Do you have any siblings? Yes No

If yes, list their names and ages___________________________________________________

What are your 5 favorite books/authors?___________________________________________________________________________

What are your 3 favorite movies?________________________________________________

Are you easily distracted by shiny things?_______________________________

Does hiking/biking interest you?____________________________

What is your favorite fruit?________________________________

List your 2 favorite musical genres__________________________

Are you musically inclined?________________________________

If yes, what is it that you play/sing?____________________

Favorite sport and team (if any)_____________________________

What is your current occupation?____________________________

If in school, what is your major?____________________________

Your thoughts on time travel_______________________________

Dream car____________________________

How many children do you think of having?__________________

Anything else you wish to include:

Section 5: Short answer

Describe yourself using three to four adjectives and zero to one noun.

How important to you is quality education for your children?

What is your idea of a perfect date, in three sentences or less?

What characteristics of mine led you to apply for this position?

Explain why you should be my girlfriend in one sentence.

List any special skills you may have that may be relevant in this position.

What are your thoughts on Justin Bieber, The Jonas Brothers, or High School Musical?

What do you want out of a relationship, specifically one with me?

Section 7: References

Please supply three references and their contact information (phone, email, etc)

I hereby certify that the information given by me in this application is true to the best of my knowledge, and I give full authorization to verify it using any means deemed appropriate. I understand that the filling out of this form and submitting it for review does not guarantee that I will be chosen. I also understand that my information will not be released to independent 3^rd parties and will only be viewed by the final judge(s).

Date: Applicant Signature:

Oh my goodness

2011-08-11T17:17:00.000-07:00

This is all I shall put
Please oh please watch this.
Go mormons
those of you who get the reference, please don't be upset with his use of Hebrew...

VIDEO

I am now buying old spice

2011-08-11T15:46:00.000-07:00

I realize that I am a bit slow to jump on what must have a been a fully packed Band Wagon, but those old spice commercials were probably the best things I have EVER watched on Youtube (this coming from a person who has logged many, many hours on youtube)

Good news

We have yet another high budget film highlighting the evolutionistic intelligent nature of Apes making no attempt to hide an agenda (most likely) funded by animal rights activists and (possibly) Foxnews.

Cap. America rocked my world with its amazingness (I know, great adjective choice)

As did HP 7, both parts.

Thor, not so much. I really just enjoyed seeing a big man do work with a hammer, but there wasn't enough (guess JDW's favorite movie genre. I won't be giving Tranformers 3 an F rating...unlike Deseret news)

Bad news, while HP 7 was great, I'm now deeply in love with Emma Watson...dang it Hermione...

I bought a car. Now, don't get excited. As much as I am a fanatic for Porsche, BMW, Lamborghini, and Ashton Martin, I think we can all agree that my wallet can't really support the weight owning a car like that carries. Yup, it's a 2001 Camry XLE V6 (aka, the car your mother and father think is a great investment and safe car. And man, they're right...) I'll throw up a picture of the car in all its pinstriped off-teal goodness as soon as the deal closes and the dealership gets over their fears of handing me a key...

That was EASY. Yup, back at Staples, back in the Copy Center. Look how far we've come.

Actually, I'm really pleased that they took me back. This is the bad part.

It's hard to maintain ''manhood'' while in a black apron.

The uniform should be more like

THIS------------>

(Without Tom Cruise)

Questions NOT to ask an RM from Argentina:

1. Did you like your mission?

What do you want to hear here? OF COURSE!

2. Do you speak spanish now?

As a matter of fact, I do...kinda important in S America

Anyways, we'll end today with a quote from...just a second, I'll google search ''quotes''

A nation's culture resides in the hearts and in the soul of its people.
Mohandas Gandhi

Next time I'll rant about how technology is being used as Satan to kill us all. Yup...I'll write that on my personal internet blog...using my laptop computer...

AH MAN!

Well, that's all folks

2011-07-31T19:55:00.000-07:00

So, I'm back.

EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT

Ok, honestly, not really that much has changed, but everything has.

I went to buy a phone, and the saleslady did not understand that I just want to make calls and texts. I don't now what Android, apps, bumping, angry birds, or touchscreens are.

3D movies? Aren't those awful mistakes? Apparently not.

My brothers are all larger than me

I understand all the latin american/s around me now

It/s just been a crazy couple days.

I left Tandil, 9 degrees, 90% humidity, sea level, to Utah, 10000000 degrees (more or less) dry, high altitude. It/s kinda taking a toll on me at the moment.

I think I'm taking it well, not sure though.

I think you kinda have to go through leaving a foreign country or being an RM from Argentina to understand.

So, what do I do? Went to the bookstore, and the library. I've read 2 books by CS Lewis and Joseph Fielding Smith in 2 days. Just trying to find something calm that I can handle.

I'm sorry, really, if I seem odd to anyone, or space out randomly, time please.

'Son,' he said, ' ye cannot in your present state understand eternity...But ye can get some likeness of it if ye will say that both good and evil, when they are full grown, become retrospective. Not only this valley but all their earthly past will have been Heaven to those who are saved. Not only will the twilight in that town, but all their life on earth too, will then be seen by the damned to have been Hell. That is what mortals misunderstand. They say of some temporal suffering, "No future bliss can make up for it," not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory. And of some sinful pleasure they say "Let me have but this and I'll take the consequences": little dreaming now damnation will spread back and back into their past and contaminate the pleasure of sin. both processes begin even before death. The good man's past begins to change so that his forgiven sins and remembered sorrows take on the quality of Heaven: the bad man's past already conforms to his badness and is filled with dreariness. And that is why, at the end of things, when the sun rises here and the twilight turns to blackness down there, the Blessed will say "We have never lived anywhere except in Heaven," and the Lost, "We were always in Hell," And both will speak truly.'

2 posts, 2 posts in one night!??!?!?!?

2009-06-08T21:54:00.000-07:00

STOP THE INSANITY!

I've said this before. I've gotten boring and senile in my old age (actually, me being senile would be one of those things you pay a dollar at the State Fare to see.

I am going to write funny things again. Things that make me laugh, I'm becoming too serious with this mission business and becoming an adult and all.

You know what bugs me?

Church choristers who get WAY into their calling.

Now, I think leading music can be fun. Leading flamboyantly can be fun.

But come on people.

You know who I'm talking about. The ones with the batons. Not that there is anything wrong with a baton at all. Go ahead and work that baton, conductor! It's when you're cueing instrumental and vocal sections that don't exist.

Just makes it look like you're trying to get the swish and flick motion down so the bishop can levitate properly.

Really, is that necessary? Of course not, but I would most definitely cue...whatever I wanted if I was a conductor.

You know who else is odd? Christian Fundumentalists.

I was browsing a forum for Christian Fundumentalists (I swear there was a reason)

Found these little gems.

Never even consider sending your children to private Christian schools, much less the public automaton factory. Whether a classroom is based completely on Christian education or secular is not the issue (although, we would by far prefer the Christian). God didn't make teenage boys and girls to sit together in a classroom every day using their brain while real life passes them by.

(Not sure what that means actually...)

Leviathon is a spirit I have battled as well. It was a hard battle but was won. It was about four months or more ago. My wife and I were in McDonalds and were having a conversation with an angel and Leviathon had come up. I told the angel that i wanted to fight this demon and he said I could. On the way back to the hotel I asked the angel if he could bring the demon to a predestinated place and he said yes. I figured that since Leviathon was from the depths of the sea he would be used to the cold water so I filled the tub up with scalding hot water and blessed the water. The angels (there were two now) brought Leviathon bound to the tub and fought with me. We all pulled our swords from our hips and began running this demon through with all my strength and everything I had. I would say it took atleast half an hour or more. We were all spent but the battle was won.

(That is THE BEST story I have ever heard. He must be all the rage at dinner parties. Right up there with "I walked on the moon" If you didn't have a reason to carry a sword while you're high before...)

["The Hebrews crossed the 'sea of reeds'. Most Jews agree on this. After all, the first 5 books are theirs."]
The first five books are theirs? Um, no. Moses was a Christian. Sorry.

(I may not be a biblical scholar, but I'm pretty sure Moses came BEFORE Christ...The whole children of Israel thing and all...)

I wouldn't mind going back to the 1700s. I've about decided that all areas of science are evil, including technological sciences. Technology is ruining this country.

(Keep in mind that this is an online forum...)

[Question about the logic in light being created on the first day, but the sun being created on the fourth.]
The sun isn't the only source of light you know? Think of a cloudly day, there's light coming from somewhere.

(You've got to be kidding me! I love people with no common sense.)

I wear my ignorance like a badge!
It's our faith they need to see --- not our knowledge

(Ah man, I can't even make fun of this one!)

Physicists have been theorizing for decades about the 'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear force,' and so-called 'force of gravity'. And they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus...

(This is actually a pretty cool statement...but...yeah...it crossed a line.)

In an unrelated note. I always carry a few nuts and bolts at amusement parks. after we get locked in the ride and start to move, I hold up a few of them and say to the person next to me look what just fell out of this thing. It is a great witnessing tool. Everytime I did that the person next to me started praying.

(Now that...that's funny)

I was taking a walk with my next door neighbor this morning, passing through the adjacent neighborhood as we always do during our walks. My neighbor and I were having "lady talk", discussing current events, and, walking our dogs in addition. Suddenly, as I stopped to untwist the leash that had gotten caught under my dog's leg, I began to peer around a noticed a rather peculiar sight.....THE ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD WAS EMPTY!!!!!! And while I turned out to be incorrect, I thought for quite sometime that the rapture could have occurred without us even knowing it!!!! Alas , it was simply a false alarm, as I once again got excited over nothing, though it made me realize just how excited I am to experience it!!!!

(I think that often when no one else is around. Then I think "crud, what did I do to get left out?)

Science is good for some things but I don't see much applicability when I'm visiting a hospital room of a terminally ill person.

(This is just good quality entertainment reading these, man)

Any person who obeys his parents cannot ask them any questions. Who are you to ask your father any questions when he instructs you to do anything? If you should do that, then of course, you must die. Who are you to murmur against your father for giving you instructions? Who are you to be annoyed against your father for advising you? If you should ask any questions, you are inviting death.

(Crap...apparently we must all die)

When we get to Heaven, you'll easily find me. I'll be the tall blonde hanging on to Jesus' feet and not letting go!! He'll be shaking me off his legs like a dog!!

(uhhhhhhhh)

SOME women NEED a good stinging slap across the face to remind them that they have a certain place in the order of things that they ought to be mindful of and not try to step out of it.

(Yeah, tell me how that one works out for ya, buddy)

Probably my favorite so far

So, I was wondering if buying used books online, like thru the used venders on Amazon.com, was bad, as in can books be cursed? I noticed alot of the vendors from Oregon or NY, and I know occult is big in lots of those areas. I checked other books some of the vendors had and they had many demon, occult, type of books sometimes. I take Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, so I know I have nothing to fear... but if I give some books (like Catholicism for Dummies) as a gift to someone who is not a believer yet, do they get harmed?

Waddup ya'll?

I'm just not feelin it tonight...blogging anything I mean...

I keep trying, but nothing has happened that I just think "I NEED to blog that)

Probably a good thing, means I'm spending more time in real life doing exciting things.

I need to smile more.

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

I thought this would look cool

2009-06-05T11:18:00.001-07:00

I saw Star Trek last night with Abe.

IT WAS AWESOME!

That's all. You should go see it. You'd like it.

But while I was working my 9 hour guard shift yesterday, I was thinking. Thinking about advertising. I wondered how hard it would be to make a decent advertisement.

How hard can these things actually be?

I thought of a concept for Nike, Abercrombie, and Lotus.

But I decided to make a Star Trek sequel movie poster.

Figured I couldn't do worse than some of the posters out there.

Case in point.

Took me about an hour or so to do.

Thoughts? Apart from the fact that I have an extremely rudimentary knowledge of how to use photoshop.

Yes, that is Sadie's face.

Yes, I made my girlfriend a Borg.

No, I don't think of Sadie as a Cyborg trying to make me assimilate into a collective hive-mind and control me absolutely.

I think I like it without a border more.

Odd, very odd

2009-06-05T10:54:00.000-07:00

This isn't to bash President Obama. I just find it strange/disconcerting/creepy.

http://obamamessiah.blogspot.com/

It's been going for awhile, and it isn't a joke.

It actually seems to claim that Obama is the Messiah.

I'm dead serious.

Saying that he is an illuminated being and the one come to heal the earth. That another chapter could be added to the Bible to chronicle his achievements, and that his speeches give an aura of immortality.

This is pretty funny to listen to.

Yes, it goes on and on, the first 30 seconds are pretty much the entire song.

One of the weirdest posts. LINK (check out the picture)

Solar Hero?

I would be so creeped out if I had a website dedicated to my divinity...

I shouldn't be allowed to blog after midnight

2009-06-03T23:31:00.001-07:00

Talking with a dear friend of mine earlier tonight, (name removed for their protection) and we got something weird.

I ran with it.

Tired of his life of stalking underaged actresses and enshrining them in his sewer kingdom, the Phantom pursued a new line of work.

Phantom of the Country!

No more Opera for this friendly poltergeist

It's no longer Christine. It's Mary-Belle, and he carries an old guitar under his arm to sing about her during the cattle drive.

The songs go something like this.

"The PHANTOM *twang twang twang* of the Country song is here...on the cattle drive"

(me singing it. No comments on bad singing! It's late and I have to be quiet, people are asleep here)

Actually, I can't get it to work, sorry. We'll try later.

It's a tale as old as time, albeit a very twisted tale...but time is twisted!

Yeah, I shouldn't blog late at night/early morning.

Hey!-----Ho!!!

2009-06-01T19:23:00.000-07:00

I couldn't think of a title...

I was mentioned on Whitney's blog! I feel honored. Her blog (and Whitney as well) is pretty awesome. Link to her sunglasses article!

Here are my white sunglasses! I decided white was the way to go after seeing a few fellow guards with them.

Jeff Foxworthy moment!

"You might be a lifeguard if: You identify other guards mainly by their sunglasses from across the pool"

Also, link to her additional announcements for the Scera.

With permission, I'll add a few as well.

Attention patrons in the lap/dive pool: Just a friendly reminder, water is transparent. There is no area of this large rectangle filled with said transparent liquid that you cannot be seen in.

Please, for the health of the guards, if you wish to express extreme physical intimacy, there are much better places.

Disclaimer. I'm not against showing affection in public, I actual encourage holding of the hand or hugging the one you love. I'm against coming to the pool for 3 hours and spending the ENTIRE time octopused around each other both in and out of the water.

Attention patrons: Playing Marco-Polo for more than 5 minutes 30' feet from any lifeguard is against the rules. It distracts our lifeguards from their duties, namely saving lives, and will incite them to murder.

Marco Polo can be a fun game. But imagine sitting in a chair where you can't move for an hour and only hearing Marco!....POLO!

Attention patrons: Fighting/arguing with a lifeguard will accomplish nothing. The rules are listed for your convenience on many walls. Besides, is it really a good idea to try to get in a fight with someone who lives at a pool and makes a living bracing unconscious bodies 13 feet under water?

Attention patrons!: Letting your children run around the entire pool while you sit and sunbathe is unacceptable. Any children found alone will be given as many candy bars as they would like and a puppy. A very dirty puppy.

I'm going to write a book. "Thoughts from a Lifeguard."

I had so many things to blog about, now I can't remeber them.

It's raining! Woot! Rain makes the world feel good.

Now I have to go for awhile! I will be back.

Gadgets

2009-05-20T11:13:00.001-07:00

The second car is a very good choice! It would use no gas, so you'd save money in the long run.

Thanks!

I think random, weird gadgety things are fun. Walking through those computer or innovation expos is a sure way for me to lose money.

Such as these gorillapod things that you can attach to cameras and use as tripods anywhere.

A really cool idea!

But I have my limits to what is fun/interesting and what is just stupid...

I probably wouldn't have gotten

along well with Thomas Edison...

Ok, I'll be honest. These are computer mice shaped like cars...I kind of want one.

A better example!

Lighted slippers. I do not need LEDs coming out of my feet when I'm half asleep. Pretty sure that's a recipe for cardiac arrest.

It's a pepper grinder shaped like a baseball bat. Is this really useable? "Hey son, would you pass me the pepper?" "Sure Dad, woops, I knocked out aunt Evelyn..."

Now, I realize that golf is important to some people, like Tiger Woods. But does even he use a laser guided putting trainer?

Maybe if you have no depth perception or an eyepatch.

But then why would you be playing golf?

"Well, we're at the 18th hole for birdy, and what is Tiger doing?"

"He's pulling out his state of the art putter, Bob."

"Are lasers allowed in golf? That just seems...well, I guess it's ok"

Now anyone can hit those difficult putts. As long as the ground is perfectly flat.

It's a cigar cutter shaped like a guillotine. You had better have no children, pets, or visitors...It's so ornate! Oh my gosh!

Bumbudeebumbum!

Adios, amigos.

A moment of indulgence

2009-05-19T12:27:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking lately. "A dangerous pastime, I know"

When I am a millionaire, which will surely happen, what kind of car will I drive?

Not what kind of car will the family be transported in, I mean more of what kind of car will I drive just to drive?

We'll ignore price comparisons for the moment

Nissan GTR. Each car is individually made and each engine is made specific to that car. The components are made in temperature sealed chambers so they don't individually expand or contract with temperature before assembly.

It's kind of ridiculous: price, concept, everything.

But it's way cool, comfortable, (I wouldn't know) and fast.

On the other crazy end, Tesla Roadster. Made by an small company. It's a completely electric car powered by lithium ion batteries (laptop batteries) and does 0-60 in about 4 seconds.

Built on a Lotus Elise frame, it's very nice looking.

Audi R8. Mid-engine, V8. Packed with computing software and handles like a dream. 4 wheel drive (sport car style, not all 4 wheels. Part of the power to the back, part to the front)

Not the fastest car, but it has only 2 seats. Cheaper than other supercars, and very pretty...

Aston Martin DB9. It's an Aston Martin and kind of looks like an upgraded Vanquish. It's definitely nice, but very pricy.

Hey, it's an Aston Martin, we'll leave it at that.

Porsche 911 Turbo. 2 wheel drive V6, 0-60 in under 5 seconds (I think) with sport function, traction control, and rear seats.

I like Porsches, and this is a very powerful, workable, affordable supercar that isn't flashy. In fact, I wish it was more ridiculous and fancy looking.

Lamborghini Murcielago! I love this car! Audi took over Lamborghini, so it's even better! 0-40 in 3.5 seconds, 600 hp V12 engine (V12!!!)

Suprisingly affordable (if you don't want ANY add-ons)

It's a Bowler Nemesis! An absolutely unrealistic car that would never be used. It's one of those cars made for the off-road races or extreme desert things.

Not seriously thinking about it.

Supercharged V8 engine, powered by ethenol (lol) and does 0-60 in about 6 seconds. On pretty much any terrain.

I don't know!!!!!!!!

The Lamborghini has the ridiculousness and power. The Porsche has the functionality and smallness. The Aston has the classiness and legacy. The Tesla is economical while being silly. Nissan has the ultimate in self-gratification and bragging rights. Audi is more affordable and less showy.

They're all such beautiful cars!

Probably the Porsche or the Audi in the end though.

I can't put another HAHAHA here...that would be what we call repetitive

2009-05-10T13:00:00.001-07:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

I was going to have this hilarious topic that ended up linking to the Care Bears website, and I was really excited about it.

I have something better. Why make up funny stuff when it's right in front of you?

Wikipedia is a wonderful thing, in most cases. I don't know what kind of sad people spend hours on there writing articles about the entire periodic table, or the taxonomy of a Capybara (there must be some sort of system, there must be...)

But once in awhile you find something that just makes you read it twice, or three times.

Care Bears

The Care Bears are a set of characters created by American Gangsters in 1981 for use on greeting cards and violent video games. The original artwork for the cards was painted by artist Andy Warhol. In 1983, J.F.K. turned the Care Bears into an world reknown industry teddy bears.

Each bear comes in a different color and has a specialized insignia on its belly that represents its duty and personality.For example the blue insignia represents the them "Death to Humanity" the red insignia represents "Bloodshed is cute when you taste it." This insignia was known as their "tummy symbol." However, the latest movie, Oopsy Does It! (2007), renamed them "Evil Messages."

This makes me happy. Someone looked at that page and thought, "no one in the world is going to ever read this novel about the Care Bears entire history and creation. I'm going to have some fun here."

You know who's a douche? Ben Affleck. He's a horrible, horrible actor. You never hear, "I'm going to go see that movie with Ben Affleck!" It's more, "I'm going to see Pearl Harbor." "Wait, isn't Ben Affleck in that movie?" "Oh...that's right...maybe I'll see Mrs. Doubtfire."

He's not even attractive is he? I mean, I can look at guys and think in the most straight way, "yeah, he's a good-looking guy." Hugh Jackman, Matt Damon, Matthew McConaughey, George Clooney, all handsome men. (I hear girls saying other girls are pretty all the time, do not give guys grief over saying that another man could be reasonably attractive to a member of the opposite gender)

But Ben Affleck is just...blech.

So I do not understand why he is a movie star.

You know what else I don't understand? How girls get all "girly." Oh. My. Gosh. (No pun intended) Whether it's around aunts, friends, cousins, whoever, more than one or two girls concentrated into one area with few guys...they get girly.

Now, I think it is completely unintentional, and just happens. Guys get different when they're with "the boys," but it is to a level that is so much less. I really don't understand it.

So please don't be offended if you see a man trying to extricate himself from drowning in estrogen once in awhile. We just can't handle the "girliness" of many women. We would rather be hung with barbed wire or drive over landmines.

That's really harsh...sorry.

I am so sick of being sick. I want to be able to bike, exercise, work, run, play in the grass, and go visit Sadie again.

Being able to only watch TV gets very boring after awhile. I've done Spanish lessons, read Preach My Gospel, and now I'm blogging...I'm so bored, and it is so beautiful outside. The whole family is at church, I should do something exciting while they are gone. Suggestions?

Blug, blech, blarg, bnargen, blarney, Barney! Purple Dinnosaur, dinosaur, skeleton, biology, C-3, Sadie.

I think I know what's on my mind, everything leads to it.

Had a weird dream last night. I was in the MTC and was getting teased because after I washed my tennis shoes, they took on a blueish hue that made them look like women's shoes.

It was odd.

I'm going to stop wasting time, and go waste it in another more productive way. Like eating strawberries, or playing with legos.

Adios!

What in the world?

2009-05-08T09:34:00.000-07:00

Alright, Facebook has this nice little feature called being a "fan" of something. I kind of like it actually. If you like a band, celebrity, or are just a fan of something you can have a link/photo/updates to it.

But the fan feature is being overused and abused. (You didn't know I was a poet did you?)

You can be a fan of:

Earth-"Parks" or "Hotels and lodging" (This is the category it is listen under)

Life-"Non profit"

Death-"Health and Beauty" (someone explain that one to me?)

Jesus-"Model" (I'm serious. I mean, I'm regularly blasphemous, but that's funny...)

Satan-"Other public figure" (Bwahahahahahahaha, that's a burn Satan...sorry...but not really)

My personal favorite:

Not Being on Fire-"Medical Service"

Probably one of the funniest things I've ever seen

Random picture time!

Wow...that's incredible. I honestly didn't know trains could handle that much weight. Sure, they tow hundreds of tons of steel and such, but seeing that many people just blows the mind

How many points is that?

If I was a cat...

But really, I don't care if this is fake or not. I love it.

Well, I'm going to go pick up mission suits and run around doing stuff with mi madre.

Adios!

Overview of the semester

2009-05-01T21:30:00.001-07:00

So, the semester at UVU is over, I thought I'd give a report on it.

Ballroom-Silver Standard

I didn't enjoy the class at all. I mean, it was my earliest class, most of the people skipped most of the time, and I clashed with the teacher. I thought he was a great dancer, but a real jerk overall. I think I ended the class with an A (not hard to do with a dance class...)

Ballroom-Silver Latin

I love Laura, my favorite teacher/professor ever. My second time taking the class, and I still got alot out of it.

Ballroom-Silver Team

Man, talk about a lover-hate relationship. I am so glad I did team, but man it was difficult sometimes. Tara is absolutely amazing, as were the people on team.

I'm going to miss Heather!!! She's a great friend, I'm so glad I got to dance with her.

US History since 1877

I really like Rick Fish as a History professor, even though he is a...strange...man. I will say that the best part of the class was when he asked me to email him some of my research because he was personally interested in it. Good class, take it.

Ethics and Values

That horrible general credit everyone has to take. I had the luck to take it from the guy who wrote the book you use, literally. A very proud man, with an ego and set ideas about the world. I pretty muched kissed up to him the whole semester and said what he wanted (hey, I wanted a good grade from a teacher that doesn't give many of them) It worked, he asked me if he could use my paper to post on electronic reserve as an example for the classes he teaches. Not to sound way egotistical, but I think I did well in the class, or at least made an impression.

Mission Preparation

Horrible. No offense to him, but the teacher was so incredibly awful it made the semester miserable. He quoted things so badly it left the entire class just staring in amazement (that is not an exaggeration.)

Quatitative Reasoning

I can count the number of times I went to class on one hand. He said if got 90% or higher on the arithmatic exam, you get a C in the class, no matter what. This was essentially remedial math, I took it because it fulfilled a GE and worked with my schedule. So I decided I didn't care at all. :D

AGH! I miss Sadie dang it! Sorry, I know you're going to read this, but man...Sadie, you're quite amazing. It's odd, we've never not seen or called each other for more than a day or two, even before we started dating. I realize days isn't very long, but you see how much that person is such a large part of your life.

I mean, I'm not sitting here just whining, but yeah...I'll stop talking.

Saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine last night/this morning with my cousin Caitlin. I'm somewhat of an X-Men nerd, and so I expected to be somewhat disappointed.

IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!

One of my new favorite movies. Sure, they took some liberties, but I loved it overall.

I heard complaints about the characters, but I have none at the moment.

Gambit, my personal favorite mutant, was absolutely kick-butt awesome. You really can't do justice to Gambit, I mean, he's Gambit. That being said, he was the best part of the movie.

Wolverine was great, as we expected Hugh Jackman to be. He did not disappoint.

1 and a half hours that seemed like much more, but in a very good way.

Eh, I'm going to go.

Peace out amigos

Wow

2009-04-27T21:31:00.001-07:00

Man, it's been awhile. Apart from going to school full time, working 30 hours a week, preparing for finals, and getting ready for a mission call, I've had no time to write.

Well, school is pretty much over. I got honors on my Silver International Standard ballroom class, finished US History since 1877 with an A, and just have 1 more dance test and an ethics final to take. School+finals=done

My mission call is here, in case you didn't know. Argentina Bahia Blanca Mission, July 22. I thought I was thinking about it alot before...it's always on my mind now! AGGH! Went and bought suits, shirts, etc. at Mr. Mac. I look ridiculously good in these suits, btw. (That's the real reason I'm being sent to a place where I don't speak the language, it just wouldn't be fair to other guys to keep me in the states. I'm kidding...in case you have never heard sarcasm)

Sadie is in Panama! For 10 days she will be gone! This is actually very odd, ever since we became friends, even before we started dating, we have seen each other several times a week. It feels so weird, especially with big changes in both of our lives. I'm very excited she is going to BYU next semester though, good place that BYU...

I WANT HER BACK!!! Beside the fact that I am extremely jealous of Rachel, Elizabeth, and Sadie vacationing in Panama (that's just so amazing!) I miss her...

But we shall share the joy and excitement over the trip upon return!

Random note

I can tell you why the economy is down and America is doing poorly while Russia is booming. Would you like to know?

Easy.

Batman is working for the Russians.

I can prove it.

This top secret Russian Government poster I found (I was on assignment in Russia awhile back, and snagged it on my way out hoping that the paint would be bullet-proof, but that's another story for another time...) shows clear evidence for Batman's current employment. (Points to whoever translates the Russian, if it even makes sense...)

This is why I was fired from my CIA operative job...apart from making fun of the CIA logo, no one believed me at the debriefing. Luckily my phone had a 12 megapixel camera built in before the poster burned in the massive oil fire I started to cover my tracks.

I'm serious though, take a look.

The GRU (Russian CIA, NSA, etc.) has this as their logo.

Ok, maybe Batman isn't working for them, (that picture I made is still awesome) but this does prove something else.

Russians don't have TVs...

Sad! Kinda...not really.

I mean, think about this. No more lame first dates where all you do is watch a movie. No more couch potatos. Less obesity, more exercise. Better conversations. Less violence.

All the things we are told TV does to us, not in Russia!

And yes, I pulled all that from this logo, it's a stretch, I know, but bear with me.

What would happen in America if there was no TV?

Well, if we follow the example of the Russians, our intelligence agency would end up looking something like this...

Now that is the CIA logo America needs.

I rest my case. (Not sure what my case was in the first place though...)

Well, I'm going to go to bed, it's after 11:30, and I would like to get some sleep.

Adios, amigos

Argentina Bahia Blanca!

2009-04-24T23:26:00.000-07:00

July 22, near the southernmost part of the world.

ARGENTINA BAHIA BLANCA, SPANISH SPEAKING! WOOT

51 posts! And Alchohol!

2009-04-01T22:12:00.001-07:00

Number 51...past the halfway mark.

Maybe I'll hit 100 posts before my mission!

So I was reading the Deseret News this afternoon (never a good idea for me, it's not the msot relaxing thing) and I thought I would share some thoughts on it.

Honda has connected brain thoughts to robot control. Meaning that when they subject thought about moving their left hand, Asimo (Honda's wonder robot) moved its left hand.

So far they can only get moving the right hand, moving the left hand, running, and eating. The subject has to be in a stress-free environment where there are no distractions, and since people's brains vary, they subject has to be studied for several hours beforehand.

And the paper reported that they have no big ideas yet, that "it's still just a dream."

No big ideas, huh?

This is one of those things I should have been contacted about before they talked...

I can give you...11 kick-butt ideas right now for this technology.

But seriously, that's way cool. Sure, it's kind of like scientists who develop seedless watermelon when we have all this disease, poverty, and things that actually matter going on, but that doesn't change the coolness factor!

Can anyone say "Silent Iron Man?" Goodbye to trying to turn up the volume on my iPod through my jeans pocket (You've all done it, don't give me that look)

Wall Street in tatters again, and I think I'll take advantage of this a little bit while I can.

With GM's and Citi's stock falling below 2 dollars a share, I'm thinking of buying some of it. When the Dow jumps 2ooo points a day, and then falls again like rock, there is some serious money to be made.

A greatly fluctuating market invites this kind of erratic behavior.

Arcane Liquor Laws kept us sober.

This article just didn't make sense. Apparently we have new liquor laws now to invite more tourism, peer acceptance, and "good cheer."

The old laws were apparently, "weird" (BBC) "Old World" (New York Times) and "adulthood has finally come to Utah. (Tom Barberi)

Even though Utah has the lowest alchohol consumption (14 gallons per person per year) and the lowest number of alchohol-related deaths.

Ok, whaaaa?

So...let's get this straight here. It is weird, juvenile, and boring to make laws that effectively keep people from harm. (and isn't alchohol kind of proven at this point to be a harmful thing? Or am I the only one that got that email? Really, no one is going to deny that drinking hurts you, right? As does smoking...duh)

It is also perfectly acceptable to do something that will hurt you to gain "peer acceptance."

All of my Sesame Street knowledge is just sitting in sheer amazement at the stupidity of these claims. Barney is rolling in his grave!

When does the human being become so stupid to a point that they forget the lessons taught by a purple dinosaur and an 8 foot yellow bird? If that can't keep your attention, what will?

You think I'm joking?

4:30-5:10, then skip to 6:30-7:10 (Please do it, it's probably the best part of my whole blog. Ever. Depressing...)

I swear, I'm sending state legislature a giant, sparkly, purple bag and instructions on making laws in it...

14 gallons a year? Ew. That still works out to 1% of the recommended water for a human being a year.

Or, 2.5 shots a day.

Fun...

Well, I'm done with that topic.

So the DBOTD is anyone who pressed for these laws to be changed.

Signing out, possibly the only place on the internet where you will find State legislature's learning level reasonably compared to that of childrem still learning to use the toilet by themselves.

We're off to see the Wizard....

2009-03-25T20:47:00.000-07:00

You know what I’ve decided bugs me? Newspapers! Now, don’t get me wrong, I love reading the newspaper (odd, I know) but I hate how you have to skip all over the section.

I understand that it’s to get you to read more of the paper, to maximize space, etc, etc. But does it really need to happen with the lame stories?

I mean, I’m reading about Omega-3 enriched flour being sold to KFC (woohoo Deseret News….) and I get halfway to the end of the page and it say to continue reading on C4… (Which is plastic explosive, btw. Interesting little tidbit. I actually think of C4 as the explosion page in the newspaper. The obituaries should be there, or maybe the government section.)

Anyways, back to Omega-3. I barely know what Omega-3 is. I know it is some sort of fish oil (roughly) and I am perfectly content with that extent of knowledge. I am not going to use the effort to turn those enormous pages to read more. I don’t care. At all.

If you’re reading the newspaper and get all excited, “YES! FINALLY, THE TRUTH COMES OUT, KFC! BWAHAHAHAHA, I’LL HAVE YOUR SECRET SPICES NEXT, COLONEL!” You have serious problems.

Another thing. Why are those pages so blasted big? It is impossible to read a newspaper unless you have an executive sized desk. And I realize that while I do have a desk most CEO’s envy, I’m not reading at it. All I do with that desk is sit at it in my Armani suit and glasses to intimidate houseguests. (It’s right next to my antique armchair complete with velvet robe and pipe by the fire for those romantic evenings)

I would make newspapers smaller so that you can handle them without hiring a Tibetan Sherpa, and make the ink less…I don’t know…ALL OVER EVERYTHING!?

That’s why I stopped reading the paper in my velvet robe. Red velvet is much less…whatever red velvet is…when it has the stock report mirrored on it in black.

Come on, there has GOT to be a better way to print on paper.

Many newspapers are actually going digital to save paper, money, and subscribers in the past few months. I think this is a great idea, why do we need 14 different newspapers run by the same company for one geographical area anyway?

KACHING! I was looking at my bank balance this morning, and noticed that there are several hundred dollars more in my checking account than I thought there was. So I looked at my account history. Deposit from the Federal whatever the title is! (How sad, I’m too lazy to go check the exact title online)

The free online tax refund offered by TurboTax with direct deposit was SO worth it. It took maybe a week to get here. I promptly bought what I have been waiting months for. A new mountain bike helmet.

It’s an 80 dollar Giro Hex acid green helmet, and it is so nice. I got it for less than 40 (shipping included) because I’m just cool like that. Go Nashbar.com! Great biking gear prices. I detest my current helmet with a passion and frequently borrow my Dad’s helmet for an indeterminate amount of time without permission. So this purchase is a win-win for all parties involved.

What is not a win-win is the recent situation involving my mission papers/call. I shall direct you to the official mission blog for the whole story.

DBOTD

Fox News

Just watch this. I agree with Philip DeFranco here. If this newscast wasn’t at 3 am, this would be a really bad.

They could yell at Jews, Mormons, make fun of black people, and tell the whole world to die and I would just have the attitude of “eh, whatever. It’s three in the morning…HEY! THE MIRACLE BLADE FOR 29.99!”

These guys are idiots though…

Also, check out my Mom’s blog! My6littlemen, link in the blog list. A great story about Arturo, who was living with us for a few days.

Well, that’s about all I feel like writing. Perhaps I do some more tomorrow, perhaps not!

Cheerio Chaps!

Tada!

2009-03-20T09:18:00.000-07:00

Ok, first off. Ben named the stuffed dog I gave him for his 7th birthday, "Ebay."

I do think the little kid is a genius in the making.

Second! Check out the links to the blogs in the sidebar, they are finally on there!

Mission blog, family blogs, friends blogs, etc.

Check it out!

And there is also a link to Drawminos, that online dominos thingy I posted about awhile back.

Now that I have that all out of the way, here is one of those quiz things from Sadie's blog.

I agree with the founding fathers comment.

FOUR NAMES I GO BY
Josh

JOSHUA DUVEAN WARTENA!!!

His omniscience (ok, I'm still waiting for that one)
Jon

FOUR JOBS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE
Finish Carpenter

Custodian

Lifeguard

Copy Center/Sales Associate

FOUR PLACES I HAVE LIVED
Eugene, Oregon

Provo, Utah

Orem, Utah

My own little world

FOUR TV SHOWS THAT I WATCH
I used to watch TV shows...

FOUR PLACES I HAVE BEEN
I really want to list 4 rooms in my house

Up and down the trails in Provo Canyon

Top of SWKT

Disneyland

Goblin Valley

FOUR PLACES I WANT TO GO
Spain

New York

Chateua Def

Space

FOUR OF MY FAVORITE FOODS
Fruit in general

Burritos (must be plural)

Baked potato chips

Crepes

THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO
My tax return :)

Ballroom Concert

Mission

100 degree weather

FOUR MORE THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO
Tonight!

Tomorrow (original, I know. But no work or school!)

Being a Dad

My laundry finished

FOUR PETS THAT YOU HAVE OWNED
Roxanne/Roxie aka, the demon parakeet who ended up with caner...sad...

Some fish we had before I really knew what was going on around me (I realize that that statement still applies, but you know what I mean)

A cat under the same circumstances (13 letters!)

6 boys in 1 house. Who needs pets?

FOUR FRIENDS/FAMILY WHO WILL REPLY
My Mother
Erin Wright (haha, now you have to do it!)

Rachel

Christopher

FOUR FAVORITE BANDS/SINGER
Akon

Kelly Clarkson

Jonas Brothers

James Taylor

Sean Paul

FOUR FAVORITE TEAMS TO WATCH
Galchenko

U of U football (they were a heckofalot better to watch than BYU this season)

Do the X-games count?

Ballroom Dance Teams

FOUR FAVORITE DRINKS
Water (and I go to sleep by 9 and wake up to eat my continental breakfast every morning at 5)

Rasberry Lemonade

Blood

Orange Juice

Cider

Mario Adventure

2009-03-18T12:55:00.000-07:00

I consider myself somewhat of a mario buff. As many of you may know, I happen to think Super Mario 3 for the NES to be one of the best games ever made. (There is a link to play it online in the one of the right hand sidebars, or if you're lazy, here)

Mario has unfortunately gone downhill since Mario 3. True, Mario 64 is comparible, but doesn't have the same playability. Mario Sunshine was a flop, Paper Mario as well, Mario Kart isn't really a Mario game, nor is Mario Golf.

Mario Galaxy for the Wii is alot of fun, but still doesn't approach Mario 3 for me.

Enter Mario Adventure.

"Dahrk Daiz" (dark days) spend 16 months writing this game.

Interview here

He works at a fast food resturant in Tennessee, and is a student at ITT Tech.

This is a seriously legit game!

Really. Probably the hardest game I've ever played. (Including Mario 64, Legendary difficulty on Halo, Metroid, and any Zelda)

He wanted it to be considered a sequel to Mario 3, and it's definitely working out for me.

It probably took me half a dozen tries to beat the first level competently.

If you have beat Mario 3 more times than you can count and want something harder, more complicated, but with the same concepts, I present "Mario Adventure" by "Dahrk Daiz"

Oh, you will need an NES emulator to play it. Downloadable easily here.

You can do a youtube search to if you want to see it...or even care

Yeah, I'm a nerd! But it really is a great game if you liked Mario 3.

The beautiful weather persists! Spring break is here! I don't work until 4! I slept in until 10! Can the day get any better? We'll have to wait and see.

I finished reading "Silence of the Lambs." An....interesting book. It's pretty much about a mass murderer and a genius psychopath.

I don't recommend reading it.

It was also made into a movie, which is rated R. The book wasn't horribly gristly or anything, it was just a nasty thing to read and think about.

I'm waiting for the mission call! Woohoo! I'm hoping it will be be here on April 1! No, not so I can tell people on April Fool's day, but that is the earliest projected date.

DBOTD!

All of these people...I was this awhile back with my Dad, and finally got around to posting the video.

There was another round, but you get the gist of it. There was a funny question/picture of Theodore Roosevelt that was answered as Wilford Woodruff, and "The ugliest man I've ever seen!"

It's just sad, even if you're not a big history fan.

Well, all this sunshine and me not being in it is depressing, it is high time I go outside and enjoy it before work.

Ciao! (According to Wikipedia, that word derives from a Venetian phrase that literally means, "I am your slave." You should take advantage of my self-imposed slavery while you can)

Oh, random note. The CIA has the ugliest seal I have ever seen. Did they hire Disney to design this thing?

Yeah, not sure where that thought came from...

Laughs?

2009-03-13T13:16:00.000-07:00

I really like to laugh! Here's something that I hope makes you laugh at least once!

Think of this as a collage of DBOTD

Seriously? I mean...really?

Kind of ridiculous/sick, just a warning.

Want t o order one?

HAHAHAHA

Awesome!

Why are these mines even here?!

I had no idea Martin Luther King's Birthplace was half the state of Georgia!

What's with Georgia...geez. This state is far more important than anyone realizes

Hehehehehe

Good luck with that one...

I've almost done that! Or something close to it.

Yeah, I don't feel like writing that much today, can you tell?

It's so beautiful outside! Christopher is having his 16 birthday party tomorrow, and we're all going mountain biking. I get to lead the wonderful pack of 16 year old boys up a mountain, then scream back down it. Should be fun!

I may only have 2 and a half months left with Sadie! Makes me want to spend even more time with her. I'm just glad that it's now and not in the dead of winter when it's all gloomy and cold.

The new Facebook layout is in effect...not sure that this makes a huge difference in anyone's life, but I thought I could throw it out there.

Drawminos! The interactive online dominos! Just in case you hate setting them up for real only to have them knocked over halfway through. But you never have enough anyway, so whatever...I guess...

Yeah, I should go get ready for work or something productive like that. Maybe go outside before I become an albino and go all crazy from too much computer

We'll be back with more entertainment, joy, rainbows, and unicorns tomorrow! (Or whenever I feel like it.)

Alright!

2009-03-11T22:18:00.000-07:00

At the requests of many, I once again submit my pen to its paper tomb.

What would it be like if we all really talked like that? Man, I'd go insane.

There weren't many requests, nor am I using pen. "Josh, what the heck happened to your laptop screen?" "Well, see...pencil wasn't working on it..."

My arm isn't swelling! Normally, this would be a positive thing, but I'm undergoing TB testing through a PPD. (Tuberculosis test using a subcutaneous injection of purified protien derivative. Yeah, I made sure to ask just so I could say it) And what is up with being able to spell subcutaneous but forgetting other easy words like...Pollock, beastiality, mouse, ok, now I'm just going off weird.

It's late, give me a break. One of these days I will write at a decent hour.

But this means I may not be testing positive for TB anymore! Once again, most people aren't sad about this...man, I'm a screwed up person.

I tested positive when I was 2ish because of an uncle that contracted it. I was told I would always test positive, but not actually ever have active TB from it. This is called latent TB, and prevents LDS missionaries from serving in less developed countries outside the U.S. or Europe. (well, Canada, Australia and places like that as well, but those two cover most of it.

Are you seeing now why I am distressed? At least a little bit.

In other news, I need to take a break from dancing. I feel that I have developed a mild case of shin splints, especially in my left tibial region (sorry if that's not a medical term, Erin, I just went with it...)

Joe wanted to dress up as a cowboy the other day, so the other

younger brothers and I all joined in.Finally, a use for 85 feet of rope, a leather riding jacket, and

several pairs of glasses, boots, and hats.

This little kid has me wrapped around his finger, and knows it too.

I'm going to miss him!

Man, I'll miss them all!

Alright, enough of that! Let's get this done so I can go to bed!

DBOTD!

Read the full story here

911? Hi, how are you?

Woman made 2 false 911 calls because she was "bored."

Initially she denied it, then admitted using an out-of-service cell phone to make emergency 911 calls.

Ok, I can think of at least...6 different things to do when you are bored.

Start a blog! Woah! confessions of a stupid phone lady has a certain ring to it. Maybe if you're lucky they'll base a movie on it.

What would a movie based on a blog be like?

Ok, I almost died from fright right there. Apparently some DJ decided to add his own voice to a music track I'm listening to online. Sean Paul and Rihanna are singing "Break it Off", a very nice cha cha, btw, and this whispering creepy voice starts saying weird stuff. I naturally jumped 3 feet in the air and whipped out my lightsaber to defend myself (I was debating what would be the best weapon to put here. I decided lightsaber trumps everything)

A legion of spiders led by Freddy Krueger coming into the room could not have creeped me out more.

It just did it again! AGH! It's speaking Russian or something. Either Russian or the Dark Tongue of Mordor (Do I get an award for the nerdiness factor here?)

Ah, Shania Twain, much better. Creepy disembodied Sauron/Russian voice better stay away.

Ok, it's far too late, wow.

One last thing, I thought I'd put this picture up here for several reasons.

1) I like it...alot

2) I've been asked what Sadie looks like!

These are some of my favorite pictures of her. Ones that have great memories behind them, or that remind me how lucky I am to be in love with this wonderful girl.

Daylight savings, again...blech

2009-03-09T21:51:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm going to go get my mission physcial tomorrow morning, should be fun...Does anyone know what they do in these things? I feel fine, can't that little statement be my physical? "

Are you feeling good?" "Yup!" "Alrighty, then, off you go." Or they should have some extremely attractive young lady do it. Check my blood pressure (might be a little high) muscle tone, skeletal structure, the whole tongue depressor thing.

Sadie, want to do my medical tomorrow? I'm sure they would be ok with that.

Oooooooooook, we're leaving that topic behind... I placed my first Book of Mormon at work today! I don't know if it was so much placed as it was...well, I'm not sure. But it was cool.

I'm furious at my Philosophy teacher. It's going to take a few days to calm down and write a rebuttal to his comments, but they will come...as surely as Death, Taxes, and The Incredible Hulk.

Wish UVU's Silver Ballroom Team luck! We're performing "Dark Waltz" tomorrow at the social lab. Feel free to come! It should be a good performance, with the other teams as well. Hopefully between 8 and 8:30.

My Mother read me a definition of juggling/juggler awhile ago (aka, about 30 minutes) and I wanted to share part of it. It helps my already abnormally large ego swell even more:

"Posseses a practically omniscient sense of timing."

I wish to be hearafter referred to as "his omniscience"

Kind of a weird word... Omni Science.

Douchebag of the Day! Because I would like to get to bed sometime tonight, let's get it over with.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/03/07/ap/national/main4851663.shtml

I'll just post the whole story here, it's short.

Authorities say a Georgia man (this is the second Georgian in a row? What is it with Georgia? Woah! I'm using Georgia font! THAT'S AWESOME! Ok, back to story) was saved by his pants when he decided to climb 35 feet up a power pole and slipped. The pants luckily caught on the metal tower, stopping his fall.

Gwinnett County Fire Department officials believe the 21-year-old man from Duluth, Ga., had been drinking and ignored a companion's suggestion he had climbed far enough up the pole. (That'd sober you up pretty quick...especially if you hit an electric transformer)

Officials did not identify the man. (They did however post anonymous pictures and video of him screaming like a little girl, jk)

After his pants caught, the man spent about two hours dangling before a rescue team climbed the tower and got him down. (It takes a rescue team 2 hours to do what one idiot did in 10 minutes)

A few things here.

1) HOW THE HECK!?!?!?!?

Have you ever tried to climb those things? They are a pain in the butt (pun intended) when you're sober. How did he get 35 feet up totally plowed?

2) His "companion," Because they can't say "drinkin' buddy!"

3) The best part though, is how long he dangled there. You know the rescue team didn't take two hours to get there or climb up! They were sitting there with camera phones laughing for part of it, I'm sure!

Yup, drinking Georgia man is the DBOTD. Not just for poor judgement, but for actually giving an excuse to wear baggy pants!

Wow

2009-03-07T14:37:00.001-08:00

I've realized something. I actually have people reading this thing! Peopl are "lurking around!" (Dou itashi mashite, btw)

Holy cow. Kinda puts pressure on me to write things that are actually useful!

And Erin, thank you. And HUGE props for using the word enroaching! Very nice.

How's about this, if you could write a comment on this post, just so I can see who you all are? Heck, if you don't want to say anything, just do blank spaces. You don't have to or anything, I'm just curious.

Real quick thing on the economy.

We need a war, or something akin to it.

WWII got us out of The Great Depression. Economists estimate that without WWII, we would have had the depression until the mid 60s-70s.

War creates jobs, demand, less people (sorry, but it's true)

This isn't going to be a magic thing that the government gets us out of. Sorry, America, looks like you will have to WORK.

Quoting Obama

"Like every family going through hard times, our country must make tough choices," he said. "In order to pay for the things we need -- we cannot waste money on the things we don't."

Well, that's very true.

What about the 1.7 million inauguration ball? I'm just sayin'......

In Obama's first 6 months, he will have spent more money than every previous president COMBINED.

The government is not the way out of this.

This housing bailout could pay off every home in the U.S. on a 30 year morgage, if they have been inhabited for 15 or more months. Ask around, see what the morgages are for homes.

But, they are going to homes that are more than 1.5 million dollars, and the owners are "unable to meet payments."

Ridiculous.

Anyway...

I bought some shoes for my mission today. Went to the Missionary Mall and was helped out by an awesome salesman. I highly recommend that place.

What's with psycho weather? SNOW, no snow, shorts, SNOW, no snow, sunglasses, SNOW. Seriously, make up your mind, weather!

Check this out!

Dede Koswara. "The Tree Man." He has massive bark-like tissue on his limbs (especially hands) that have been growing since he was 15. He has a rare immune system deficiency and HPV. Because of his weak immune system, the warts caused by HPV grew into tree-like growths. Doctors removed more than 4 lbs, and he is still undergoing treatment. It's been 2 months, and he is getting much better.

Douchbag of the Day!

Georgia inmate arrested. Because who doesn't love a stupid inmate?

This guy opened an unlocked door to the exercise yard and climbed the outer fence. Deputies found the door unlocked in the morning, and were looking for an escapee.

They spotted him trying to sneak BACK INTO the lockup. They also found 14 packs of cigarettes on him that were stolen from a convenience store a block away.

Full story here-> DBATD

There a couple honerable mentions in the story.

First, who left the door unlocked? Really? You'd think they would double check! "Eh, it's only the exercise yard. "COPS" is about to start, I don't have time to go check."

Second, whoever was in the convenience store. Have you seen those things? You can't walk in that tiny little store without being seen by the person at the counter. Even if the cigarettes aren't behind the counter, you're going to see a guy in an orange jumpsuit stuffing 14 packs down his pants. Or at least think "huh, I wonder if he's from the prison next door. Do they wear stuff like that?"

But the real douche is the inmate, of course.

1) It's been my experience, that if you can get out of prison, you don't try to get back in. That's the "escaping prison" part. If you get that lucky, don't push your luck trying to sneak IN unnoticed.

2) 14 packs of cigarettes? Like you aren't going to get caught...jeez. I mean, I'm sure a cellmate might want a smoke or two as well.

All in all, he did not think through what he was going to do when he broke out.

The best part? He's facing new charges of breaking out of jail and thievery.

I'm going to go see Sadie now.

Apollo Burger

2009-03-06T08:09:00.000-08:00

First off, we here at Joshua Wartena Industries would like to thank Erin for her fabulous comment she made on the previous post. Did you all see that? She actually had examples to support her argument, which I really enjoyed. The moral here is, if you want to make a point or show an opinion, have a solid basis for it.
She also mentioned Guantanamo Bay, which is interesting. I went to a lecture on Guantanamo Bay this week, perhaps she was at the same one, who knows? Were you, Erin?
It's another great topic, but I don't know that much about it, so we'll hold off until the necessary research has been made by the team here and then a fascinating editorial will be done.

(Just to make it clear, there are no teams here, nor is there an industry. It's just me, but SHHHH!)

Let's lighten this blog up a little bit.

So, I went to Apollo Burger last night around 9:30 for some comfort food after bombing a test.
First of all, the speaker was built into the menu board, so it freaked me out when a voice started coming from the pastrami burger.

Weirdest fast food experience I've ever had:

"Woudl YOU lkiehsdfh to herderosfd!"
"Ummmm....just a second!"
.........
"I'm ready to order, are you there?"
"YHEAKF,"
"I'll take a number 10"
"You WANK a nbbbum tarf!"
"I can't understand a thing you're saying"
"YOU WANK A NMBHTHSDF HETN?"
"....................yes"
"WHA YOU WANHG DKRZKH!"
"...................a number 10?"
"Uh! Wha Yo wahg dkin ta?"
"..........What do I want to drink?"
"YEF!"
".........lemonade?"
"O, you wang tha ber bernug tell wip lembae?"
".................yes................a number 10 with lemonade"
"That @#$*ERDFGJ# the WINbaRg" (I'm assuming they were telling me the price I would pay at the window)

So I pull up to get my food, and I swear, not making this up, there is a little sign on the window. It says "no shirt, no shoes, no service." On the DRIVE-THOUGH window! What? Are they afraid of some disease being transmitted as the credit card and food are being exchanged? Plasticicia?
Then I am handed this pink drink, and I was confused. "Is this....lemonade?" )I didn't know! We didn't exactly have the best confirmantion at the speaker/pastrami burger box. Perhaps they confused lemonade with fruit punch?) "Oh, yes, that is lemonade?" "But...ummm, never mind, thank you"
If they are going to give me pink lemonade, that should be specified! Not that I minded, but sheesh.

Anyways, I have an interesting idea to liven some news up.
Philip DeFranco on youtube has something he calls "The Douchebag of the Day" in which he picks someone in the news stories that in his opinion, is the Douchbag of the Day. It seems related to the Darwin Award idea.
I like this, and so I'm going have it. It will also remind me to post more!

Douchebag of the Day, Joshua Version

A 9 year old girl, her parents, and several doctors in Brazil were excommunicated from the Catholic Church by an Archbishop.
The case? Abortion.
The 9 year old girl had been raped by her stepfather, and aborted the 15 week old twins.
She didn't know she was pregnant, but when she began to be very sick, was taken to the hospital.

Abortion is illegal in Brazil, but in special cases it will be allowed.

What do you think?

Here's my opinion.
1) The girl was raped, which to many people can be grounds for an abortion
2) She was 9 years old! 80 lbs! She was in serious danger here
3) Twins, what are the chances of this pregnancy turning out any survivors?

I think this is one of the rare cases were an abortion may be the best option. Sad, but true.
On the same Fox news page, there is mentioned about another girl in the same situation. Raped by her 51 year old stepfather (now in jail) 7 months along, and is going to go through with it, probably be Cesarean.
I wish her the best of luck.

So that is my Douchbag of the Day, an Archbishop
He is more than a douchbag, but we'll leave it at that.

What should happen to the stepfather? Let's hear opinions on this too!

Let's crush his genitals with a garlic press, burn his sinuses out with hydrochloric acid, THEN throw him into prison after we let BACA drag his body behind their motorcycles.

Thoughts? Opinions?

Sources

War and well...not peace

2009-03-05T15:57:00.001-08:00

"Economics, now war, what's up with all this garbage Josh?"

"Well, I've been studying for a history midterm alot, so I have history on the brain."

"Dude, that sucks."

"Yeah, well, it's better than other subjects I could have stuck in my head"

"True that, man, true that."

That's a conversation I had with my alter-ego. He doesn't have a name, would anyone like to christen my alternate self?

But yeah, war!

I couldn't care less what you think about the war, but one thing is certain. It sure got unpopular with the media.

Explanation

Media want us to get in a war (so more people read newspapers, listen to the news, etc) to gain profit, and then get out fast (for the same reasons.)

Afganistan/Iraq has been going on awhile, so they don't like it, and therefore criticize it. This is my personal theory of why so many ignorant people are so against this conflict, Bush, governemnt, etc. Not because they actually have an opinion, but because they are told to.

Numbers! (Not the TV show, that's such a weird show though...)

The United States has fought roughly 11 wars

Revolutionary War
War of 1812
Mexican War
Civil War
Spanish American War
World War I
World War II
Korean Conflict
Vietnam War
Persian Gulf War

The Afganistan/Iraq war casualties are currently at 5,350.

This means that the United States has, in it's entire history, lost 632,697 soldiers in battle.

Now let's take a look at WWII (random, I know, butI need the contrast.)

In the 72 months of WWII, there were 55 million casualties, (It's important to remember that the majority of these deaths were civilians) 20 million in the USSR alone

The U.S had no significant losses comparatively. Less than 400,000 from battle and other causes.

The majority of the civilians were Russian, Chinese, German Jews as well as several other European countries. The U.S. lost close to zero civilians

55 million deaths breaks down to 760,000 a month. That's like killing every person that lives in Salt Lake City every 4 days.

Or 25,000 people a DAY.

The 2 atomic bombs used to end the war? 200,000 deaths total, from cancer, radiation, everything.

There is a certain sense of urgency to end a war quickly when the death toll is 760,000 a month. Can you see why if the bombs could end the war quickly, it was a very good idea? Most of the deaths were civilian, if 200,000 were to die from the bombs, that is 460,000 that didn't die JUST in one month.

Does all this make a little more sense now?

Now, in the 7 or so years we've been in the Middle East, we have had 5,350 U.S. casualties.

Compare this to WWII.

We have been losing 63 people a day.

WWII? The Allies were losing 20,000 people a day.

That's 317 times the amount in the Middle East

That sucks.

My point is, the war in Iraq, while tragic, is not near as bad as it is made out to be.

In comparison.

Abortion

In 2005, 1.21 million abortions were performed.

That is 3,324 every day.

More deaths have been caused by abortion in two days (and are continuing to be performed!) than we have lost in the entire Middle Eastern conflict.

And yet...the President who is going to get the troops out and make us all happy is pro-abortion.

Since his inaguration, 146,256 abortions have been performed. 27 times the lives lost in the war

(Abortion rates are actually higher now than they were 4 years ago, but I can't find the exact numbers, so youl get a lower number here for now.)

What is the issue we should fix immediately? The War in Iraq? (a small war in comparison) or Abortion?

The numbers say...well, you know what they say.

Sources

History Central.com
American Family Traditions.com
History.com
Iraq Coalition Casualty Count
World Nuclear.org
Atomic Archive .com
Alan Guttmacher Institue
Center for Disease Control in the United States
US Census Bureau

What?

2009-03-04T22:11:00.000-08:00

This is not about Sadie. Sorry. I don't want to just rush into it though and mess the story and such up, so you'll have to wait.

This isn't very funny either, but I'm very tired, and not really in a funny mood.

Maybe I should go to sleep, it's midnight after all...

What is this about?

Some number crunching?

A problem with capitalism?

A problem with greed?

Nah, just something to keep this blog useful and somewhat informative once in awhile.

Say what?!

I like History, economics, political theory, all that good stuff.

Here is some money stuff.

How much do you make a year?

The average income in the U.S is somewhere in the $50,000-$60,000 range. Wealth is very top-heavy, most people don't make this (actually, the majority make LESS than this.)

Somewhere in the vicinity of 8 million households make less than $10,000, but there are roughly 5 million millionaries...hmmmm...

The presidential salary is $400,000 Before 2000 it was $200,000, a number deemed so pitiful by Congress that they doubled it in 2001.

This is not big money, not by a long shot.

Sporting salaries? Sure, let's tackle that.

The average salary for NFL players is $700,000-800,000. The Packers have the least at $440,000, which is still more than the president.

NBA? $5.5 million average. Kevin Garnet and Kobe Bryant are making about $19-20 million. (Garnet is currently the highest paid NBA player)

Both of these are without endorsements, advertisements, etc.

Tiger Woods is the world's first billion dollar athelete. Mostly because of endorsements (He signed a 100 million dollar one with Gatorade, not to mention Nike...heck, he got a million dollar bonus for just SHOWING UP at a golf tournament in Germany to try out a new golf ball)

Are we at big money? Not yet.

Smaller CEOs and such.

Jack Welch (General Electric) , Lewis Gernster (IBM), Reuben Mark (America Online) were making $100 million a year in 2002 (ish) and $50,000 an hour.

Not as much as Woods, but these aren't just deals with Nike.

CBS's Mel Kormazin was making $200 million a year, or $100,000 per hour.

We're still not there.

Heard of Forbes list?

Bill Gates is no longer the world's richest person, just fyi. (It helps that he is doing a TON of philanthropic work and seems to have pretty much stopped really building wealth.)

Another random thing (maybe not so random) $1 billion put in a credit union at 5% interest would generate $50 million anually.

Warren Buffet is no. 1

The man filed his first tax return at 13, claimed a $35 deductible on his bike...

He is worth $62 billion (officially)

The total personal income (the income of everyone in the state combined) of Utah (and at least 15 other states) is less than $62 billion

THIS MAN IS WORTH MORE MONEY THAN AN ENTIRE STATE'S POPULATION MAKES IN A YEAR. Not just one state, more than several States (not combined, of course)

Holy crap.

Let's go back to Bill Gates. He is younger, cooler, and seems to be a better guy. Besides, who knows who are what Warren Buffet is or does (respectively, don't flip those verbs around...)

Bill Gates makes approximately $7000 a minute, or $116.66 every second. Every second he sleeps, eats, uses the bathroom, etc.

If he stops to pick a 100 dollar bill off the ground, he actually LOSES money.

If his estimated wealth of $90 billion in 2000 brought him a 15% return, that would be an income of $4.5 billion a year.

Bill Gates is actually no. 10 on a list of the wealthiest Americans ever.

John D. Rockefeller is no. 1. Adjusted for inflation, he is worth $220 billion.

That could provide the populations Utah, Colorado, and Wyoming with their entire income and still be enough to make $200 million a year at 5% INTEREST.

Yeah, I'm going to bed now. Nice to know that in my 7 hours of sleep some people have made more money then I will make in my entire lifetime...

Sources

David Scheikart "After Capitalism"
Forbes List
Bureau of Economic Analysis
City-data.com
USA Today
Rick Fish, Ph.D and professor of History at Utah Valley University
Askmen.com
Entertainment Weekly

If I wrote books...

2009-02-25T09:02:00.000-08:00

I don't think many people know this, but I would like to write a book one day. And actual book, with good stuff in it that makes you think.
Like: "The Paradox of Cruelty," "Lord of the Rings," "The Bible"

However, I feel that if I do ever write a book, it will end up being something like this

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies features the original text of Jane Austen's beloved novel with all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie action. As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton—and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers—and even more violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield as Elizabeth wages war against hordes of flesh-eating undead.

Dead serious too (no pun intended, ok, maybe a little one)
http://www.amazon.com/Pride-Prejudice-Zombies-Classic-Ultraviolent/dp/1594743347/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1235582306&sr=1-1

I'm currently in the process of reading Pride and Prejudice, it's quite the excellent book btw, so this is awesome to me.
The thing is though, I can't see how adding zombies to the storyline would diminish it in any way. Some books don't need the undead, and would be very bad with them (think Twilight with zombies, that would just be repetitive and lame since it already has vampires.)
But I think that it would add an interesting twist to the story if My Darcy had to fight through hordes of brain-eating corpses all while maintaining his wit and charm to get Elizabeth. (A real gentlemen risks all this for you)

Yeah, I'll probably buy it when I have more money.

Back to the main topic, Me. :D (It's my blog, I can be the main topic if I want to, so shut up)

If you read what I write, you'll see how I think my chances of writing a deep thought-provoking book are pretty much nil, and that my book would end up somewhat like this one.
Speaking of that, I really want to go meet the author now, he's probably a really cool guy (I know it's a guy, no girl would write blasphemy of that level)

History 2710 with Rick Fish is canceled today, if anyone cares, so that is why I'm here in the library on the 5th floor writing a blog post.

I also have a flyer I found by a trash can for that concert in the previous post. It's awesome, I'll post it as soon as I scan it only my computer.
Kelly Clarkson is having a concert here next month. (which is scary, can I call it or what? I should make joking predictions more often)
Needless to say, I'm much more excited about this than the one next week.

I've never had so much fun looking for a good picture of a celebrity to post...

I don't want to go walk around or work on some pointless homework before my next class.

I feel odd blogging about the Temple, but I went to the Draper Temple open house again last night with the Crookstons. (For those of you don't know, I'm kind of in love with this girl, Sadie Crookston...) I highly recommend going if you haven't. You wait for a long time, but it's worth it. That temple is extremely beautiful.

Well, I'm going to go get some food or something crazy like that before my Latin class (Ballroom dance, not the language, thank heaven...)
But stay tuned for my next post! It will be exciting, it will be epic, it will be all about Sadie. :D
Hopefully I'll get to write it before she reads this and comes to stop me (probably forcibly)

What's another word for douch baggery?

2009-02-16T09:13:00.001-08:00

On the advice of a friend of mine, this post will be something about UVU. I'm there a good portion of my day, might as well.

And reading the footnotes is entirely optional (1)

In the near future there is going to be a concert held in the McKay events center. (2) But this is not just any concert, oh no! This is going to be an epic concert of two classic performers. Who are they you ask? (3) Kelly Clarkson and Taylor Swift? Sting and Prince? Elvis and Michael Jackson?(4)No, we all know that UVU isn't that cool.
The artists are MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice (5)

(6)

I wasn't kidding when I said epic. As in EPIC FAIL! Holy cow. Neither of these artists has had any popularity since I was born! (7)

I really have nothing more to say, I...I...I'm completely and totally in awe of whoever thought this concert was a good idea. (8)

It's Vanilla Time...

I know that the 80s and 90s are coming back (9)

But can we please let Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer go the way of Furbys and Pokemon?

1-Pretty sure that's part of the definition of a footnote, so yeah

2-The large basketball auditorium at UVU, I'm assuming you all know what a concert is

3-Maybe you don't ask that, but you should! Horrible generation being spoon fed all the answers...in my day we had to wield our own spoons. And eat our own food! Yes, we had only spoons...none of this fork nonsense
4-Can you imagine? I mean, I know Elvis is dead, but that concert would have the weirdest crowd...
5-First of all, my school obviously needs more money...

6-This makes me wish I was actually conscious of my surroundings when I was born...it must have been amazing

7- Ice Ice Baby was released in 1990

8-Who gets together and says, "You know who needs to perform together?" "Heck yes I do! Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer! It's perfect, time for the regular 2 decade comeback!"

9-Leg warmers are big for dancers, so I personally see them. And I want those shoes, badly.

I'm not funny anymore...

2009-01-30T15:49:00.001-08:00

I've been reading my older blog posts and realized something.
I used to be freakin hilarious! I mean, come on, I haven't laughed this hard in a few hours at least.
I used to be humble too.

I guess this means I'm growing up, getting more serious, should pass the torch to the next generation and join the serious adults.
But what if I don't want to pass the torch? (Can you see me as an Olympic torch runner? Get away from me, old man. I'M running this flaming faggot to Beijing. [flaming bundle of sticks])(Wow, using brackets now, I really need to cure this idea ADHD I've got going on)])]) I lost count of how many parentheses I used, so I just ended with a half dozen or so.
What was I talking about?
Doesn't matter.
Woah, just had a random thought pop into my head. (and you get it for free, lucky dogs) And hey hey! It's about dogs! (Be patient, you're going to experience the whole thought process here, uncencored)
Why dogs? I mean, seriously? Why dogs?
Why do we have dogs as pets? Why these canines? And why are there so many domesticated?
Why not flying squirrels or something. I mean, we could have miniature bears, komodo dragons, pandas, swordfish, howler monkeys, anteaters, kangaroos, or anything really concievable as a pet.
Why dogs? They are carnivores, which limits the selection of diet. They aren't exactly the most hypoallergenic animal. There are animals cleaner than dogs.
Sure, they were a good hunting partner when they were wolves for medieval man, but come on. I don't see Paris Hilton's chihuaha (I didn't even need spellcheck, I feel cool) taking down a bull moose while Paris runs up behind taking careful aim with her Winchester rifle. (Now THAT would be an extremely funny sight. Little chihuaha "ROOOOAAAR!!!" "Oh, get im tinkerbell, get im! That's hott" KABLOOOIE!)

Phew, there it is. I typed as I thought it, and am not going to edit that in any way. Sometimes I think I think (weird wording there) in parentheses, footnotes, and ellipses (these things, three periods > ...)

This is cool...

2009-01-06T19:15:00.000-08:00

I feel powerful

Visit this website, click yes when your browser asks you if you want to go there. (It's a Youtube video, one I find quite funny actually.)

FILES.&3210001001e.PENTAGON.dfgds.ENCRYPTED@208.65.153.253/watch?v=JdxkVQy7QLM

HAPPY 2009!!!

2009-01-01T00:33:00.000-08:00

Yes, one or two of these are kinda...off.
But I died reading them

50 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts

Grades!!!

2008-12-30T11:09:00.001-08:00

Final grades from last semester were available today. And I feel like bragging a little (I worked hard this semester) so here they are!

Astronomy-A
American Civilization-A
Public Speaking-A
Fitness for Life-B
Latin Ballroom Dance II-A
International Ballroom Dance I-A
Teaching of Pres. Monson-A

6 A's and 1 B. With a 3.84 GPA this term, and a 3.54 cumulative.

The breakdown of all my grades at UVU

A's-11
B's-5
C's-1

Well, now I'm going to go look at buying books for next semester before I go to work...blech...
But I have tomorrow and hanging out with Sadie to welcome in the New Year to look forward to!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2008-12-25T18:26:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

-New Year's Resolutions.
-Wisdom teeth are out (Story to come later, after the whole process is done)
-Hyperventilation

Yeah, it's been a great Christmas. I think this is the first year that I've bought every member of my family a gift (well, apart from like a crayon drawing when I was 6 or something) and it was so much fun to see surprise and smiles this morning. (Especially after one of the worst nights of my life, but another time...) Joe joe was so cute, the little 3 year old joy. He would go OH, YEAH!!! in this adorable voice every time someone opened soemthing. Even when a package came out that had one of the bubble wrap envelopes, "It's...POPPIES!!! (popping the bubble wrap, see?)
I got some nice new dress pants, a beautiful pink button up shirt, headphones, a new mouse for my computer, and some socks. You know you're getting older when you ask for and are excited for clothes Christmas morning.
Speaking of getting older.

Growing up, I've always looked up to the good guys. As a sophomore in High School, I just loved the juniors and seniors who were so cool talking to me in class, at dances, etc. Seeing young men getting ready for their missions, they were like, the epitome of AWESOME! These guys were what I wanted to be, and followed after. The college people who took all those classes, and worked, the guys who talked to everybody, smiled at everyone, were friends with the adults and played with the kids, the Eagle Scouts. They might as well have been Superman, because, well, they were as close as you could get in this life.

I'm now a sophomore in college, an Eagle, an elder, my mission papers will be submitted in 10 weeks.
My question. Have I made myself the type of man I would have looked up to and followed as a child? If a younger me looked, would I listen to the words I say, would I idolize myself?
And most importantly, if I have made myself that man, who is looking at me the way I looked at them?
My younger brothers? Yes, but do I always keep myself the way I need to be? Even when I'm not with them?
Do I treat the people I barely know well enough that when they walk away, they can think "That's a good guy, he must have had a great example, I want to be like that."
If not, I have disregarded every example of a good person shown me, I have put myself above the very people I followed, and have ashamed my memory of them.

I really, really don't want to do that.

Hence, my resolution.
I resolve to live in a way that every person I come into contact with will have a better day because they met me than they would have had otherwise.

Now I can't forget it! It's written down.

Speaking of mission

10 weeks!!!!!????? SAY WHA?!?!?!?!?!?!

Ummm, no. This is not happening...
I'm still an 6 year old getting spun in circles by my Dad and climbing on my Mom's lap to read stories!
When did this happen? I am not ready to leave everything for 2 years, then get back and have a job, and an apartment, and all that stuff.

Why the heck am I doing this? I'm just a kid.
Want to know why?
I'll tell you.
Because I love you.
Because I love the Lord.

That's it. And that let's me know and feel that it's just fine, wonderful in fact.
I love my Heavenly Father, I love his truths, church, and the Spirit I feel.
I love the people of the entire world and want them to feel what I feel and know what I know more than anything. I want the entire world to be as happy as I am, and that's why I've been saving money for half a decade, been planning this my entire life, that's why I'm leaving.
When people ask where we want to go, get told that it doesn't matter, and respond with "Well, you must want to go somewhere!" No, really, we don't. Anywhere that I can bear my testimony to just one person will be the best place on the planet for me.
I feel like Alma in Alma 29:1

O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people!

The only thing I want is the ability to speak that way. That every word I say will carry the spirit to those listening. That I could be able to preach to "every people."

I can, apparently.

D&C 42:6
And ye shall go forth in the power of my Spirit, preaching my gospel, two by two, in my name, lifting up your voices as with the sound of a trump, declaring my word like unto angels of God.

This makes me so happy! I can be an angel for my God!

And my favorite missionary scripture, that I've only recently begun to understand and feel to a high degree.

Mosiah 28:3
Now they were desirous that salvation should be declared to every creature, for they could not bear that any human soul should perish; yea, even the very thoughts that any soul should endure endless torment did cause them to quake and tremble.

This is how I'm starting to feel.
It's great. :D

Sorry this has been so long, I kinda just kept typing. Totally understand if you quit reading. I feel very strongly about these things. If I've offended you, I can't apologize for my beliefs, but please understand that I don't mean to offend. It's a very big part of my life, and I want to share it. I don't mean to sound "preachy" or self-righteous, and if this didn't make sense to you, just let me know, I'd be happy to give you an easy explanation if you'd like.

Here's to an absolutely amazing 2009!

6 Months

2008-12-15T20:06:00.000-08:00

It's my half birthday! Thanks to Sadie for pointing that out!

I realized something. I have to work to develop my mind.
No joke, let me explain.
My entire life I have not really had to push myself mentally. I pretty much "get" everything and have been intellectually ahead of everyone. I have felt like a natural genius, to be honest. Now my coasting has slowed down and everybody else is catching up and I'm not ahead of everyone like I always have been.
Not that being ahead of everyone is necessary, but things are getting harder and I'm finding myself putting in serious study time (this was previously unheard of, I study, but not for hours on end) and forcing myself to put in more effort. Now, the results of this are spectacular, and I wish I had done this before. Going out of natural intellect and pushing that mind yields amazing things that I never had before. My memory is better, I think faster, and am much less stressed about things.
The less stress thing could be attributed to something else though. I'm trying to spend more time reading scriptures, keeping an optimistic attitude, not getting mad, and I'm not that stressed about finals. Prioritizing and keeping myself in a good mood really helped me to see that I can do it if I work hard.
It's kind of cool.
I feel like I am actually making progress in life, instead of just being held back. I've been the one holding myself back, and it's been a great semester!
I can honestly say that I am happier than I can remember being and am looking forward to school, work, responsibilities, and life in general.

Also, it is 3 months until I turn my papers in fore my mission.

BOOK REVIEWS!

2008-12-15T12:18:00.001-08:00

Wow, it's been awhile. I am going to use the excuse of school and work being very busy and being in finals. This excuse actually is true, I promise (or you can shave my head...creepy HIST teacher)
Anyway, I'm trying to read as many books as I can before my mission in a few months (for anyone that does not know, I'm planning on a 2-year ecclesiastical assignment for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, commonly called a "mission") Now, these are actual BOOKS, like classics and such, not just some pulp fiction I decided to read.
Here are a few reviews of books I've read lately.
Disclaimer: I love reading the genre high fantasy, so a few of these will be here as well.

The Three Musketeers - Alexander Dumas

Actually the second time I've read this one, and one of my favorites. Not a light read by any means, and it helps to have some background knowledge of the time period, as well as a long patience. The plot does seem to drag with details and intricate as the lifestyle ans mannerisms of the characters.
Overall-8 out of 10 (Points deducted for extreme detail of superfluous material)
Recommended-Yes, very fun and calls your mind back to a romantic age. 15 years old+

Watership Down - Richard Adams

Ummm, definitely a different book. It was originally a story the author made up to tell his daughters in the car, and it reads as such. Good plot and drama, which would probably be very interesting and suspenseful if the characters weren't all rabbits. Yeah, rabbits, it completely kills the story and makes it hard to continue. I thought the book ended about 10 times, literally. The plot was pretty much gone after 200 pages. The first part of the book is an interesting look into leadership and fear, but after that it's just looking at females as a way to propogate the race and build homes.
Overall-4 out of 10 (Rabbits and continual dragging on definitely shot this one down.)
Recommended-No, unless you have some extra time and want to never look at a rabbit the same way again. 12 years old +

The Quick and Effective Way to Public Speaking - Dale Carnegie

This was the textbook for my public speaking class, but it was NOT a textbook. An excellent book, and (in my opinion) an excellent companion for "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by the same author. Changed the way I speak in front of people.
Not exactly a casual book I suppose, but it's small and worth the time put into it.
Overall-Not going to give a score because it isn't a novel
Recommended-Yes, read it a second time too. No definite age limit for the principles

Hatchet - Gary Paulsen

I've read this book several times as I've grown up, and keep reading it. Simple story, but it grabs you. It takes maybe an afternoon to read. Shows human emotion, survival, determination, futility, and heart. You want Brian to keep going an learning (good thing there is a second alternate book!)
Overall- 8 out of 10 (The writing is at a lower age level)
Recommended - Yes, just read it, you'll like it. 10 years old +

The Wizard of Earthsea - Ursula K. Le Guin

Here is a high fantasy, yay! This one threw me for a loop. Not told in a typical style, which stretches your brain. Very weird storyline and integration of ideas. Suprisingly, not a "gripping page-turner," but you still come back and keep reading. Can be read as a single book, or the introducing book for a series, I did the first.
Overall- 7 out of 10 (Weak ending with lack of climax and supporting characters)
Recommended- To someone with background of high fantasy, not an entry-level book. 14 +

The Things They Carried - Tim O'Brien

Story about the Vietnam war, which was enough to make me disregard it off the bat. I still don't know what made me read it, but wow. Changed the way I think about war in an individual's sense. Showed horror, vulgarity, beauty, and fear in raw form from first person. No real line to any of the short stories, except for the explanations and personal view that loosely connect them. Extreme language, and graphic descriptions that leave you stunned and not slightly disturbed. This book does not end with a happy feeling, or any kind of closure and glory like most war books. The author tells some of HIS stories and he hasn't found ending, so neither do you.
A profound telling and scene of the Vietnam war that changes views and ideas, and perhaps not always in the best way..."The truth is not always what happened and what happened is not always true"
Recommended- Not for a faint heart or someone looking to clash their ideas or change their view. Young adult +

Well, there you have it, the first 6 books (you don't have to check, it really is 6) and more will be coming including: "The Goose Girl" (finished it last night and am still digesting) "For Whome the Bell Tolls" and "Diary of a Young Girl" (Anne Frank)

On another note, I found no Twilight flair on the first page today! I was completely amazed and took a screen shot, but can't get it high enough quality here.

The list

2008-11-23T19:58:00.000-08:00

I think most everyone has one of these, or should.
A list of things to do before you die. Or, a list of things that you want to do, but for some reason you never have.
Apart from serving a full-time mission, getting married in the temple, and being a good father and husband, here are my ten things that I want to do in life.
Preferably in the next few years, before I get too old and know better. :D

Visit all 50 states
Swim in the ocean
Drive a Lamborghini
Paraglide
Write a book
Wear an Armani suit
Dive off a platform/cliff
Ride in a bobsled
Build a huge bonfire,
Do the Sensuous Sandwich 2 feet in 30 minutes challenge

Well, there they are. If anyone has some serious connections to help me out here...

Have an amazing Thanksgiving!

No way, no way

2008-11-21T17:12:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure what to think...I saw this on T.V., and kept expecting a disclaimer, it never came. It's part of an anti-smoking program.

Smokerman, from "The Truth"

I'm leaving it at this....

Suprised? Yeah

2008-11-21T11:36:00.001-08:00

2 weekends ago, I did a ballroom competition with my friend from class, Clarissa.
We decided to compete in the College Bronze level quickstep at the Hillcrest High School Ballroom classic.
We went up there, were having a great time watching the dances (these things go ALL day long) and waited for our event to be called out.
We looked on the program and it looked as though we were soon, even though the announcer hadn't called the event. So we went to the "holding area," I guess to see when we would go out. Well, we got there and there was one couple on the floor and the announcer was laughing that they would definitely get first. This was out event...crud. Well, we walked out late like we had already won and the other couple was just early.
The music started and we started dancing. Someone ran into us from behind (turned out that it was another couple from our class that came out as the music started, they were even later than us!) We danced, well, not very well in my opinion, but smiled and just had a good time.
We went off with the other couple that was our friends laughing and congralating each other. We determined that we were fighting for second (the other couple got first place, obviously)
Well, went out for the awards, all three of us. We cheered as out friends got third, then started walking up for the second place.
And in second place, couple number 155!
We stopped dead. I looked at Ris and said, "we're not 155." She looked at the number pinned on my back and said, "nope, we're not."
She told me later that she thought they weren't going to give us anything!
In first place, couple number 230!
We were so suprised we just stood there for a few seconds before walking. Then realizing we were supposed to bow or something we made a comedic attempt to spin out and be graceful.
For the next hour we kinda sat in shock.

And that's the story of the ballroom competition! FIRST PLACE! WOOHOO!

Twilight

2008-11-17T16:40:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a week since I've posted. And for good reason, I haven't had anything to write about. Really. Nothing has happened, but this afternoon I had a great idea for a post. (If you know me this means I thought of something WAY weird)

The Twilight movie is coming out soon, and I have one question,

Who would be the best equipped to kill the Cullens? Well, this is hard. Meyer's vampires are really really tough. We have to go past the regular slayers (Buffy, Underworld Lycans, etc.) and go to the big guns.

Criteria, they must have fought vampires before, and must be actually fighting. (This means no Superman, and no nuclear weapons)

Van Helsing in werewolf form? (Don't watch the whole video, it's really bad quality, the first 30 seconds is enough)

No, sorry. Edward would SLAUGHTER this half-rate werewolf.

Blade? The daywalker? (My Dad is convinced he could do it, I'm kinda prone to agree)
This is the scene from the first movie where he fights the vampire who has gained god-like power through sacrificing the Elders. Normally Blade just chops up normal vampires like nobody's business.

Yeah, Blade might be able to put Edward through his paces. (Remember, the scene is between two super-fast fighters, it only looks normal because there are no humans there for reference. And he wins in the end, in case you were wondering) But against all the Cullens I think he would fall.

In the end, in my opinion, only one person could really take the entire Cullen clan down.
Neo.
In Matrix Reloaded he fought a clan of vampires and totally showed them who was boss. Watch this, it's cool.

Man! I guess the fact that Neo is "the one" gives him an edge. His hair wasn't messed up and he still had his glasses on.

*Sigh, that would be a cool action movie. Cullens vs. Neo. Too bad it won't happen.

I guess I'll have to be content with Neo fighting the hundreds of Smith in Reloaded.

One day I should post something of actual value on here.
I'm actually planning on seeing the Twilight movie, this will just give me something to laugh about while I watch it.

The epitome of homo sapien

2008-11-10T20:59:00.000-08:00

HEADLINE ALERT!
Tomorrow is 11/11, make many wishes.

I've long been making a list of things that show how lazy the human race is. Electric toothbrush, clap light, motion sensor toilet and paper towel dispenser, etc.
But not until I saw Fox News tonight did I realize that the epitome of human laziness in the 21st century has been reached.

They explain its use pretty well. Not for the disabled, but if you are on your feet alot...jeez. I immediately thought of lifeguard, how would you feel seeing your lifeguard wearing one?!
And "being used in places only accessible by stairs." ummmmm...we call those places apartment buildings, and we WALK up the stairs.

Actually found out that this is only a prototype and they have actually got a more refined product now to cater to the elderly and those with problems walking. This is a very good idea, and much better than those awful looking symbiotic robot legs.

Oh, my partner Clarissa Baer and I took first place in the College level Bronze Quickstep this last weekend at the Hillcrest Highschool Dancesport Classic.

My mind is weird

2008-11-07T11:23:00.000-08:00

Here it is! Proof. Crickets are the Satan insect.
Look at the physical similarities

Striking! Both have winds, a three-pronged tail, and wings. hmmmm, is this the only proof? No!

Listen, who is always on your back, tempting you, wherever you go? Satan. He will always be there.

What do you ALWAYS hear outside? Even if it is only at night? Think about it, backyards, camping, parks. Always there! Crickets! They are everywhere you go, just like Satan.

Have I convinced you yet!? You will never hear a humble cricket the same way again (ha, humble, yeah right).

Aren't you all lucky?

2008-11-06T21:17:00.000-08:00

What other blog gives you poetry, political satire, nintendo hints, and now history? I submit unto you that the blog you lovingly (haha, jk) read is individual and refreshing!
Now that I'm done advertising for something that you have already read and are reading, it's time to get nitty-gritty.

Kennewick Man
(condensed version)

Some kids in Washington (the city of Kennewick, hence the name) wanted to see a boat show on the St. Lawrence River, but didn't have enough money for a ticket. So the young boys do what is only logical, the go downstream and fight through undergrowth to get to the bank to watch. Well, one of them kinda found a skull in the riverbank. Reasonably, they freaked out. Eventually the went to the police, thinking it was a murder. The police found more of the skeleton and decided that it was the remains of a 19th century man. A while later some scientist got their hands on it and carbon dated it (a tricky business), and discovered to their shock that the skeleton was closer to 9300 years old.
Ummmmm, yeah. How the police misread that one is anybody's guess...

Well, they did a facial reconstruction, here it is

The scientists (and others) decided that Kennewick man had more prominent caucasion features than he did American Indian features (i.e. he's more white than Indian)

Naturally, this caused a well...stir.

What they were saying was essentially that white people were here before Indians. (And no, I'm not incorporating any religion into this, I'm only using the information that they presented)
I don't know why this was such a big deal, for a few reasons.

1. Ok, assume they are completely correct, white people were here before Indian.
So? I mean, honestly, what does it matter?
2. The concept of race really didn't come into existence in an evolutionary sense until about 5000 years ago. Everybody was pretty much the same.
3. Come on, really? Look at pictures of your ancestors from 100-200 years ago, do they look anything like you? Not really...maybe this same thing happened over the course of 9 THOUSAND years? Perhaps facial structure changed.

All of these arguments aside, I propose the best one.

Strangly enough, Kennewick man seems to be the genetic twin of Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Star Trek Enterprise

Wha?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Here is what really went down. And this conveniently explains why Star Trek The Next Generation ended.
The Enterprise went back in time (the physics are complicated, just trust me) and the crew decided to mutiny the Captain (like in Pirates of the Caribbean),

along with lieutenant Geordi La Forg (they had French names that were deemed too sissy for the Enterprise),

Well, I guess that I outsmarted all of those scientist. Next time, they need help in discovering the origin of 9000 year old skeletons, please refer them to me, I could set them straight. (Just wait until I figure out that whole dinosaur extinction issue. I haven't yet, but it's going to a good one...)

Over the weekend I plan on explaining my whole crickets=Satan thingy, so keep checking in, I should have it up tomorrow or Saturday after the ballroom competition (oh, I'll report on how that went too :D).

Peace out, word to ya mother...

Clarification

2008-11-05T14:35:00.001-08:00

Alright, I'm not a communist. I'm not a left wing liberal. I'm not pro-socialism.
Gosh, some people cannot laugh or try to put a good face and be positive about anything...
My blog is meant to be an individually humorous view of things, I'm not a political newscaster or an expert in anything. Goodness, I'm a conservative hard-core Mormon, stop acting like I'm wearing a white hood or something. I have all the same values as your normal person in my situation, I just try to laugh about things a little more.

On a happier note, I was playing Super Mario Brothers 3 the other day, and reminiscing about a few things

Remember the first time you got the three star cards. AWESOME!

Did anyone else think toad was incredibly funny the way he was jumping up and down? And how did the king turn into a dog anyway?

Yeah, we all know the whistle secret in the first castle. Did you know that there is a whistle in lvl 3 too?

Yup, you could beat world 1, then go straight to world 8

Then the ASTR professor asked us to put the laptops away, but it was fun while it lasted!
Maybe I'll go do something productive...

Yes, I realize that 90% of blogs will say someting to about this (well, maybe not exact...)

2008-11-04T22:11:00.000-08:00

Election day, election day, how lovely are your long lines.
Holy crap, one day that EVERYONE seems to recognize and participate in/have an opinion about, yet is it a legal holiday? No. Easter (Christian) Christmas (Christian) Hanukkah (Jewish) Kwanzaa (I have no idea) and all those random holidays (Columbus Day, President's Day, etc) are holidays, even though they are not celebrated by everyone. I think Election Day should be written in capitals and be a day off. The lines are long enough to warrant it...
ANYWAYS! Apart from my argument about voting in the Primaries (In Utah, really) and views on the candidates, we got a new president! Not sure why I put an exclamation point on that...but, I believe in being subject to Kings, Presidents, Rulers, Magistrates, and obeying honoring and sustaining the law. (woah, 3 guesses where I'm quoting from) So, I will support and maintain laws passed that I agree with, will support leaders in the causes I believe are good, and will not mindlessly bash the man because I didn't vote for him.
Will I support him outright? No. Ever heard of "On civil disobedience" by Thoreau? Probably the most famous essay ever written in America.
People should not permit government to overrule or atrophy their consciences, and people have a duty to avoid allowing such acquiescence to enable the government to make them agents of injustice.
If I think a policy is incorrect, I will say so, and will oppose it as much as I am capable. I will argue my point in a reasonable and logical manner and rely on my convictions and conscience to prevail.
I will support a government that I feel is doing what is right as long as said government carries on in that regard. But when I feel personal and civil liberties are being compromised and conspiring men are acting for their own gain, I will argue against them.
What does this mean? Well, I'll support Obama as our president in the correct things he does (not much else I can do at this point) and try as much as possible to make my voice heard that I might influence the government to carry out what is morally correct. (I'm making the best of what I feel is a bad situation basically)

However, one of my personal pet peeves is the whole "First African American President." I thought everyone wasn't racist. The fact that this is even an issue proves that we still think about it and haven't moved past it.
Also, I don't really see him as an African American. My argument. (Yes, it's stupid, but I get a laugh out of it, so don't be so serious about it)
And I apologize for all of these pictures, really, I'm sorry. But I just can't help it.

Black?
sure, I guess

Hey, wait a second...
Black?
Joshua, you picked 50 Cent, come on now. Obama is even is a suit. He...isn't

Alright, alright, a suit
Black?
Akon? Rappers, Josh? Fine...

Seal, he's cool. And married to Heidi Klum, that alone is cool.

Anyways, my point is...I'm not sure. But Obama looks more Hispanic than African.
Oh, and Akon should run for President with 50 Cent as his Running Mate/Bodyguard. I'd sure as heck feel safe...

Well, this turned out way longer than I expected to, and ended up with a shirtless picture of 50 Cent on a post about Election. Well, I guess that's Josh for you. Oh, and I ended up voting for the David Bowie lady, so I guess there was one cool thing about the whole process. Imagining David Bowie in government...the idea is growing on me. :D

I'll go spend some more time on Facebook now, and tomorrow you can hear my schpeel about Kennewick man really being a mutinied member of the crew of the Star Trek Enterprise!
Until that epic blog post, farewell!

Like a Spartan

2008-11-01T21:52:00.000-07:00

Months of working out, protein shakes, off of candy and excessive fast food, and I have FINALLY DONE IT!

I HAVE SIX-PACK ABS WHILE STANDING UP 100% STRAIGHT!

I've had visible abs for a while now, but have had to kind of scrunch over to get definition, but I noticed this morning that that is no longer the case! I can stand up straight and have a 6-pack.
I'll upload a picture as soon as I find a camera that matches the coolness of the situation (aka, something other than my phone)

In other less interesting news (jk) we took family pictures this afternoon, and I will presently be uploading the best ones as soon I decide what they are.

And Daylight Savings time! All this means to me is that I get to sleep in, and I like that idea.

Voting

2008-10-26T17:48:00.000-07:00

I realized something a little while ago, and it's come to my attention again.
I am going to vote this year. Scary thought!
I will have a say in the legislation of my district, state, and country. Me!
I thought of something else along with this though.
I know NOTHING!
Really, I know who I'm voting for in the Presidential race, (The one where my vote counts the least, ironically) but for the state governments and smaller, I have no idea. I don't even know who is running.
Take this example.
District 59 (I think this is the one I am in) has a person named Lorie Fowlke running. I saw a billboard and decided not to vote for her because I think she looks like David Bowie, and I don't want David Bowie in my government.

Yes, I realize that this is a stupid view, and that if I continue I will base my voting decisions on whomever I see has the most signs in yards on my way to school.

So, I have decided to educate myself on the different people and things I will be helping to make a decision on.
Finally, an interesting statistic, I don't know if it's true or not though.

Can you imagine working for a company
that has a little more than 500 employees and has
the following statistics:
* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at
least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the
last year...

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up yet?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.
The same group that crank out hundreds of new laws each year
designed to keep the rest of us in line.

Happy Voting!

I'm a superhero

2008-10-24T17:54:00.000-07:00

I couldn't think of a non stuck-up way to say this, so here it goes.
I've decided that I am a superhero in my own mind.
"Why is this, Josh," you say? I shall tell you.
There is a chain link fence surrounding my back yard and after helping a friend change a tire, I found that I had to hop said fence. I've been going over this fence since I was like 8, ok, it's pretty routine.
Usually I have to put one foot in a link, hands on top, and swing over.
This time was different.
I was jogging lightly, came up to the fence, and instead of slowing down, just kind of popped over it using one hand to guide me. I proceeded to dive/roll over the trampoline and landed in a crouch on the other side.
At this point I stopped, turned around and though, "That was cool...what happened?"
The only conclusion I can come to think of is that I have been bitten by some radioactive mosquito or something (I would feel a spider bite) and am slowly developing meta-human physical powers. (It's more gradual than Peter Parker because...well...it was a mosquito)
I'm going to go and try out these new powers a little more, and gauge muscle development over the next few weeks, and I will keep you all posted.

The only problem I can think of is a costume, mosquito man just doesn't work as superhero (or supervillain for that matter) alias. Nor does post-pubescent superhero man...

Well, I'm off to make a costume out of spandex (dang these cold winters) and work on a name.
Maybe I should figure out exactly what my powers are first...

Poetry

2008-10-13T08:55:00.000-07:00

So, I'm kind of on a poetry kick. It relaxes my brain, and I like it. So, here a few Haikus I wrote on the bus last week.

Best Friends

Best friends are a gift
An extension of yourself
Treasure them always

Daddy is bigger than the monsters

Hands clasped in darkness
Father kneeling by my side
Praying for safety

American Icon

Sleep around a fire
Drive cattle for a living
A great plains cowboy

Bachelor roomates

Food growing fuzzy
A rancid smell in my nose
Refrigerator

Soldier

True American
Fight for right, not for money
True American

Writer's block

Haikus are easy
But don't always make sense
Don't ever lick dogs

15 minute rotation

So bored lifeguarding
Blow a whistle, save a kid
Sit in a wet chair

Beijing Legends

9.6, so fast
100 meters, insane
Usain "Lightning" Bolt

Her smile

Sunshine in her hair
The sparkling in her eyes
When she looks at me

Yes, 2 posts in one day, pathetic

2008-10-03T14:38:00.000-07:00

Did you know that there is a joshua.com? It's a blog, and he writes haikus. Seems to be an odd fellow...

Anyways. I know that some thing I say and think are well...really odd (e.g. crickets are the insect embodiment of Satan)
But think about this.

Ultimate Interpretive Dance:

Bees. When a bee gets back to the hive, it will dance to communicate where the nectar is. Can you imagine?!?! That would be like going home, and doing a dance to tell your friend where Wal-Mart is! This is probably one of the coolest thoughts I've ever had, and I'll probably be trying to figure out how to dance "Wal-Mart" for the next couple hours.
And what if you couldn't dance? It would be like being mute!

Creeped out now...

2008-10-03T14:24:00.000-07:00

I was walking in to the Mckay Events Center this morning for my ballroom class, and I noticed a little sign posted on one of the door frames. It had a picture of a security camera on it, which isn't weird, it's an alert that security cameras are there. Here is the strange aspect. In very tiny type it said:

"No matter who you are, where you are, or what you are doing, you are being watched".

Alright, my mind kinda went paranoid. Who the creepy security company? I mean, is this a joke to see if UVU would notice the wording before they put up the signs?! I now feel like I am in a concentration camp, it's just disguised as a university. *shudder*

On the plus side, we learned the rest of the Paso Doble routine, and it's a blast.

And, *drumroll* IT'S FRIDAY!!! WOOT! With General Conference is tomorrow.
If that isn't enough to make me happy, I'm going to a juggling competition/festival/I'm performing in a few weeks.

So, apart from swim lessons (which should actually be fun) this has been quite the great day.